NICE are NASTY (2)

Early moments and the days

I had to make some choices! and that the choices I had to make about what I wanted to happen with Matthew in the early hours and days of his death were the most important choices I would make. I did not want any regrets of 'If only I had done it this way or that way' although it was so extremely difficult and hard to take in the reality of what had happened, I knew that the memories of this short time with my Matthew before I had to say goodbye were the most important to me, and I wanted no regrets to come back and haunt me for the rest of my life.

The choices I made are very personal to me and I needed time to think about it which I had very little of, I knew I needed to create memories not only in my mind but physical memories and I felt I wanted to share the memories with my family.
Fortunately for me I had the best team of midwives and nurses who were experienced in babyloss and were there to help and support me and help me get through the early days and most importantly advise me on the decisions I had to make.'Do I want a burial or cremation?''Do you want to hold him?''Do you want to bathe him and dress him?' 'Do you want photographs of him?'' Do you want footprints?''A lock of his hair?''Do you want him in your room with you?'
The questions are not the questions I was wanting to answer, the 'normal' thing to do when you have just given birth is to celebrate and take your live healthy baby home with you!
I chose to have Matthew in a moses basket in my room with me, when members of my family came to see me it was the most natural thing that they wanted to hold him and I know that sharing the memories of Matthew helped me get through and cope with my loss.
Practical issues and law
The practical things that had to be done in the early days like choosing to have a post mortem?, of course I wanted to know why my beautiful son had died, were the hardest to bear.
If your baby was stillborn after 24 weeks then registering your baby's name is a legal requirement. I felt that by registering Matthew at least his existence is officially acknowledged.
Arranging Matthew's funeral was made easier for me as my brother is a Baptist Minister he took alot of the arrangements with the funeral director away from me as far as I was concerned In the natural, logical order of things, parents are not expected to outlive their children. I should not be burying my son, I should not be burying him!


Holding Matthew was the most precious moments of my life,
*Most people only dream of angels, I got to hold one in my arms.